5 Ways to Find More Family Downtime

With packed schedules and fast lifestyles, how can you possibly stop “doing” to make room for “non-doing?” Start with these ideas:

1. Build downtime into your daily routine.

While you can’t force your kids to slow down, you can choose a time of day when you commit to being accessible to your kids and not absorbed in the computer or phone. Meagan Francis, author of The Happiest Mom and mom of five, calls her daily downtime the Kitchen Hour. “At least a couple times a week, I hang out in my kitchen while I prepare dinner, clean up, make my meal plan for the week, or just putter. What I find happens is that the kids know I’m available (no screens distracting me) so they will wander in to talk to me, maybe hang out and help me cut up some veggies or stir a pot, study their spelling words, etc. It’s very relaxing, and gives the whole evening a slower, warmer feeling. Plus, my kitchen is usually spotless by the end of it.”

2. Be selective about activities.

“We don’t plan for downtime, but we do actively bar other things from the schedule to make room for it,” says Francis. If you truly want some breathing room in your family schedule, you’ve got to resist the urge to sign them up for every class under the sun. “Our kids are only allowed to be in one after-school activity at a time, and I won’t commit to anything that requires regular evening meetings,” Francis says. The benefit? You won’t have to actively seek to carve out free time from your packed schedule—pockets of it will appear all on their own.

3. Turn chores into hangout time.

Folding laundry, baking, or yard work can all be great opportunities to hang out with the fam. “The last time we had a lot of work to do in the yard, my husband set up our tent. We had our two sons help us re-stack firewood and bring weeds to the compost bin. In between tasks, they had their tent to hang out in, which kept them from proclaiming boredom and going inside.” If you’re baking, have the kids vote on what to bake, measure the ingredients, stir, pour, and clean up—the results of their efforts will be a compelling incentive for them to see the work through to the end.

How can you possibly stop “doing” to make room for “non-doing”?

4. Choose a “boring” vacation.

As tempting as it may be to opt for a vacation where the kids can spend all day, every day in camp while you golf, opt for at least one trip a year where you’re basically forced to spend your time together. Rent a house near the beach, go camping, or visit an old-fashioned resort that isn’t all about the amenities. “We vacation at a resort in the Catskills that doesn’t have a video game room for tweens or a spa for Mom. When we’re there, we do everything more or less together, like play shuffleboard (really!), go hiking, or hang out by the pool,” says Denise Schipani, author of Mean Moms Rule and mother of two. “It reminds us that there actually are things we all enjoy, and it feels much better than us two parents gritting our teeth doing something just for the kids, or dragging the kids on something more pleasing to us.”

5. Don’t feel you have to do nothing.

If the idea of being in the same space with your kids with nothing on the agenda makes you break out in a sweat, it’s perfectly fine to plan a project, do an activity, or even have a meal together. Work on an art project together, go on a hike, or cook a family-favorite dinner. “The only real requisite is that you turn off all screens—TVs, phones, computers—for your kids and for yourself,” says Beth Block, a family therapist in Austin, Texas. That way, you’ll all be focused on the activity at hand, not off in your own individual worlds.

Note what works. Do more of what does, and less of what doesn’t. Your hang-out time may not transform your family into a Norman Rockwell portrait, but you’ll definitely have more of the memories that add color to your lives.